a daughter's geography {adios}: sunday shine

Showing posts with label sunday shine. Show all posts

Showing posts with label sunday shine. Show all posts

Sunday, March 29

Sunday Shine * { Freckle in My Eye }

Don't want to forget to mention:

If you live in Dallas or will be traveling there in April, you must check out the DFW Fringe Festival at the Hub Theater. My friend Ashley Wilkerson will be performing her one-woman show, Freckle In My Eye.
I cannot tell you how much I wish I could see this show.
Ashley is a phenomenal woman personified. People like her only come around once in life. I will never forget the day I first met her. She rolled into a tiny liberal arts school with these quick, raspy words, all this humor and truth weaved into everything she says. She was speaking to people like she'd known them forever, and her warmth and confidence had me speechless and smiling. Over the years, she has been so supportive, remembering the little things I've told her, her voice coming from out of nowhere it seems, telling me to write, reminding me that that is what I do. I love this woman and I know her show is going to be layered, poignant and beautiful.

Sunday, March 15

Sunday Shine* { Green }

+
I finally found the shade of green-gold that I'd been searching for to paint my bedroom. It's such a soothing and fresh color. I took my inspiration from the top photo (yes, I want that hanging chair too, but I can do better things with $400 right now). My room is pretty similar to the one in the photo - white linens, old wood floors, sunny, multi-textured. I carried that picture around with me for a few weeks, then went to the hardware store, picked up a some sample jars and painted green patches on my bedroom walls this weekend. Benjamin Moore's "Sweet Pear" (bottom photo) is lovely, but I lean toward Pratt & Lambert's "Scent of Semillion" for it's drop of green. Gotta get a few supplies and I'm ready. Looking forward to inviting a couple friends over for a painting party and changing things up a bit.

+
K and I were all over Brooklyn today, visiting open houses. He's looking for a new home and wants to take advantage of the city's busted market. We looked at a beautiful condo in Clinton Hill, some renovated brownstones in Bed-Stuy and then took a peek at these sustainable "green" condos in my neck of the woods. It's nice to watch the sustainable living movement spread like wildfire, and getting a tour of a sustainable home definitely had me taking mental notes on what kind of property I want to invest in in the future. It definitely gave me an even clearer idea of just how much we consume and then waste.
K and I were treated as a married couple all day, and it was very interesting to see how we both handled it, how our dynamic shifted because of it, which questions were directed to me, which ones went to him. That's all I'll say about that for now.

+
I wrote out a pretty impressive financial plan for myself yesterday. Even if there are some surprises along the way, my credit card debt will be paid off in a few months (it feels so so so good to know this) and I can start investing the money in my IRA. Suze Orman would be proud.

Monday, February 16

Sunday Shine* { Brooklyn Is For Lovers }

lincoln ave.
2.15.09

Sunday, February 8

Sunday Shine* { Good, Beautiful, Love }

"I wish to live because life has within it that which is good, that which is beautiful and that which is love. Therefore, since I have known all of these things, I have found them to be reason enough and—I wish to live. Moreover, because this is so, I wish others to live for generations and generations and generations."

- Lorraine Hansberry

+ received a holy scripture a few weeks ago and i been born again (in the kitchen, that is)
+ miami in a week
+ first saturday at brooklyn museum (fela vs. james vs. 90s jams)... hotHOThot....last night became another favorite memory
+ a warmer day, so the windows were opened to welcome a much-needed breeze
+ collecther always, always comes through

Sunday, January 25

Sunday Shine* { O.G. 2009 }

I'd been typing, drafting, writing, crossing out, erasing, deleting, trying to build a cohesive thought for the things going down socially, communally, globally - but the sentences never formed.
Sometimes I need to write a poem. Just about forgot I started this life for myself, 15 years old, as a poet. How did I almost lose myself?

O.G. 2009
(a poem for Oscar, Sean, Robert, those before, those to come & my black boys)

if anything

you have reminded me
"good mornings"
are not to be taken for granted
there is nothing more appropriate than
a student trying hard to show
he loves

you have done more

on the newest day for many
another chance for most
you in your daughter's eye
your body and the platform
your blood dyeing our heavy cloak
reactions uncontainable like your smile
a people known for their good memory, even wiser

it is never over

a plaque on the station bench
a march to nowhere
a rock to a window
a flame to the gas
a misstatement of your name
but violence also begets
a spirit as aflame as the streets
the first protest from the last breath
a daisy sprung from the bullet wound
I hear the soil is rich in Oakland

Sunday, December 21

Sunday Shine* { I Get A Little Warm In My Heart }

A snowy view from my kitchen window.

It seemed wrong to make a rant my shine for the day.
So, instead...

Happy Winter Solstice!

I'm grateful the next two days will be sunny, since they'll also be cold. I listen to my chimes on the fire escape and that wind is coming in strong. The word is to spend the next three days envisioning the life you want to live and the life you want your loved ones to live, and then, begin living it.

secret: every winter I end up walking around singing "Winter" by Tori Amos to myself

Sunday, December 14

Sunday Shine* { Kick }

I woke up early to finish reading Giovanni's Room. I ate breakfast and drank juice, then I went to a kickboxing class. I thought I'd be there, practicing my punches and kicks by imagining the things and people that have recently made me angry. But as we practiced, I quickly realized I am not angry at all. What I am is afraid. And I think being afraid is just as bad or worse than being angry. I went to the class to confront that fear. The fake guns and the knives and swords mounted on the walls made me panic a bit. The talk of "targets" troubled my concentration. Half the battle is showing up, and I showed up, and I plan on going back, but it's a long road ahead.

Sunday, November 30

Sunday Shine* { After The Love-In }

The love-in ended yesterday. He flew back down south last night. I miss him, but was left with a cache of silly jokes and a fridge of leftovers from the delicious meals we ate together. These are the stories I'm telling my grandkids. Baby, your grandmama was in love! One could say we are back together. It doesn't matter though what our re-connection is called, as long as it's healthy and feels amazing, which it does.

The writer of one of my favorite blogs ends each of her posts with "AT THIS MOMENT, I am free and LOVE." Those words some up every second of my weekend.

Sunday, November 23

Sunday Shine { Two Weeks Past }

good music
good jokes
good students
good news
good nights sleep
good memories
good sex
good food
good outcomes
good intentions
good love
good love
good love
good love
good love (still squeezing tight)
good love
good love
good love

Sunday, November 16

Sunday Shine* { Gonna Be All Right }

Things have been nasty and negative at work all week. It all started when.... I finally brought up, at a meeting, the fact that the guidance counselor has never seen any of the special needs students for their counseling sessions. She tried to say that she had, but had no proof of this, nobody could back her up, and each student told me she'd never had a session with them. Some had no idea she was the guidance counselor. She even stormed into my room to imply that the students and para-educators were lying. That was two Fridays ago. Her bad energy (aka guilty conscience) spilled over into last week, the principal became involved, things just weren't right. All that on top of the enormous pressures that build up in the ELA department two months before the state exam.
Those old feelings of wanting to quit on the spot started creeping in, so I had to remind myself of everything and everyone that's been making me feel better:

- My students. We fight, we love. It has never been clearer to me that I do it for them. I think our classroom has become a space for learning people skills and building relationships, we keep each other in check.
-Sleep. I come home drained, I'm too tired to make dinner and one time I tried to order in, but fell asleep before it even got here. I needed to catch up and I'm glad I did, but I do owe some folks an apology for not showing up or calling or answering the door when I said I would.
- Whenever I wanna talk shit, but don't feel like spreading the negativity, I just listen to Marlena Shaw. She reminds me of one of my closest friends, Luz. Nasty hilarious.
- The rain. It brought some much needed calmness to the classroom Thursday and Friday and kept my Saturday simple and quiet.
- Chocolate. I'm in my red tent right now, and I snuck in a snack.

Sunday, November 2

Sunday Shine* { 12-Piece Fried Heart }

Last weekend, this man flew me down South to spend two days with him. We'd been talking on the phone a few days earlier and out of the blue he says, "If I bought you a ticket, would you come down for the weekend?" I said yes before I could (over)think about it. It started off rocky (my flight got in late, he overslept, I sat in the airport for hours thinking the worst things), but as soon as I saw him the fear and anger just left me.
I slept in his arms. After two weeks of recurring nightmares, I slept real good in those arms. We actually spent most of our time in (the softest) bed.
"he tells me all his secrets, he thinks nobody knows,
we lay together in daylight, I love him so"
We managed to steal a few moments to get in his car and drive out to the country. I kept my hand in his for those two days. We kissed and laughed a lot, ate really good food, kissed and laughed some more. And then I had to come back to New York.

I don't know what it all means. I do know that the time I spent with him was so deliciously warm and happy. Maybe the real purpose of the trip was for us to be loved and to love. We let our attraction for each other do what it do, no questions asked, none needed. I did think to myself a few times this is what I wanted for us when we were together. I thought maybe we should be back together. I'd like that. But it doesn't really matter what I'd like to happen, and regardless of what does happen, my two days with him were perfect.

Sunday, October 5

Sunday Shine* { Good Company }

Went to First Saturday last night with R.
She offers such a brash perspective on things. I like that she doesn't have time for excuses, hers or anyone else's.
We grabbed wine, hid it under our scarves as we toured the galleries. I only wanted to see "A Little Taste Outside of Love" (my new favorite piece by Mickalene Thomas, which really needs to be seen in person, because you must see it in its true proportions to absorb all the gloss and rhinestone fabulousness), but R hadn't been to the museum "in forever", so we saw every single thing. Wine will change the point of view real quick. I found myself becoming very impatient with a lot of the pieces. R was even worse than I was, berating the curator's tastes, slapping my ass for not agreeing with her, and being deliciously obnoxious. Then we went downstairs and danced to the Spice Girls until it was time to sit down with a drink and act like adults again. Sometimes I get a glimpse of a friend (or myself) as an older woman and it's hilarious.

Also:
This evening, if you are reading this and you live in Brooklyn and especially if you are in the mood to be supportive, loving, sisterly, inspired, motivated, reminded of your beauty, then you should attend:

Monday, September 29

(A Belated) Sunday Shine* { Looksee }

A lot of love and admiration felt throughout the last week...I still need to sit with it. I returned to my little spot Saturday night to dance away from everyone, ease my mind, be anonymous to everyone except the deejay. Spent the hours just before dawn watching Kill The Messenger with L, laughing myself into unconsciousness. Woke up naked, funky, with him wrapped awkwardly around me, not needing anything at all except my own space, so I went home.
Sunday's a secret.
Today went by quickly and I have the next two days off and a long to-do list awaits.

iris for the weekend

love in Harlem

my tribute to summer

Sunday, September 14

Sunday Shine* { Bills }

Wow. I spent $545 this morning paying my bills. This is not a complaint. I'm thankful I can pay all of my bills on time every month. I do not take the bill opening-checking writing moments for granted. Sure I teach because it's fun and it challenges me. But I also teach because I gotta pay my bills. Real talk. It's not a good time to be worrying about money. I can't stand when other teachers insist that a steady check has nothing to do with it. Liars.
There are other benefits too: The cab driver only charged me five dollars for a $16 ride. We talked about being teachers (he was one in St. Thomas before he moved here - he currently directs a youth music program), he gave me a "teacher discount" and a copy of the dub cd he was listening to. He goes on my growing list of wonderful cab drivers that I wish I could call every time I need to get home at 3 in the morning.

Sunday, September 7

Sunday Shine * { All Heart }

Last week was a busy week.

I got to know my new 6th grade students just well enough to see that they will challenge the ways I approach and talk to young people, especially when they aren't acting "right." My newest and youngest students can decode words, comprehend texts and structure their writing at levels much higher than their 7th and 8th grade counterparts. But they are more ~~defiant~~ resistant to routines and don't possess the same upbeat attitudes as my older students. While I pour my energy into finding ways to help my 7th and 8th graders become more fluent readers, I am going to have to find ways to get my 6th graders acclimated to my expectations and standards (stop talking nonsense to each other and speak up, participate in discussion, contribute to the conversation, say something, anything dammit!)
I was delighted to see my 7th graders again. And you know what? They were happy to see me! I love them. They make me laugh. They can do no wrong in my eyes, which causes problems. I had to keep reminding myself that chatting with them about summer, school uniforms, "no homo", being vegetarian, the upcoming elections, Lil' Wayne, and bullying may help build their character and improve their conversation and critical thinking skills, but it will not make them better readers or writers.

*

I tend to keep my mouth shut when speaking on the representation of Black women as images of beauty because the margins are so narrow and there are better things to do than wait around for other people to widen them. But I just got fed up about the Vogue Italia hoopla. I posted a comment at Afrobella, which ended up triggering another post, which is kinda cool.
How we view ourselves has such an immense impact on how we function in this world; we are doing ourselves a major disservice by asking mainstream media to validate our beauty. Fuck that.
I just want us (women of color) to create our own standards. Seeing ourselves as beautiful trumps some Italian editor deciding we're worthy of a cover). We need to speak on it. Not just on blogs or among friends. But all the time. In the street. At the deli. In the park. Wherever. It may seem trivial, but you never know who may need to hear those words or how those words may positively transform someone's self-image.
At the beginning of August, M & I were sitting outside of the Brooklyn Museum of Art watching all the lovely people pass by and we started talking about how we may comment to each other how elegant or fly a woman looks but we rarely share the compliment with that woman. What is preventing us from saying, "You look great" or at least smiling? What are we afraid of exactly? Is it a New York thing? Is it a woman thing? Is it an envy thing? Shit, is it a homophobic thing? Is it just me? I was reminded of this reading a comment on Afrobella a few days ago, and then again yesterday at a restaurant in Harlem. I walked in with a friend and this younger girl comes up to me and says, "I really love your hair like that." I had to ask her if she was talking to me and then I wanted to hug her. Not for the compliment itself, but for her decision to fearlessly compliment another woman. We need more of that.

*

Tonight will be the first night I've spent alone in a week. When it rains, it pours! I was overwhelmed at first, but I decided to enjoy my time (safely, of course) and not spend it obsessing over what's going or not going to happen next. The whole time I've been thinking about the kind of companionship, sex, love and commitments I want and how I'd like it all to intersect in my life. I don't have the words to always explain what I want (though this woman's words have been inspiring) but I can say I'm enjoying myself without shame, fear, confusion or resentment.

*

Lots of people are out there creating lots of pretty things. The gorgeous painting above is by Frida Kamau-Hathorn. It's titled "Spring" and I love it.

Sunday, August 17

Sunday Shine* { Still In It }

Been doing a little meditation on what I'd like in my next partnership, but you know, I like to be surprised. But if there's one thing I'm seeking, it's someone who spits ideas as confidently as Jay Electronica. *sigh* Erykah, you lucky.

I'm in no rush though. I've been riding out this heartbreak for 3 months now. Not at a place of understanding or moving on. The feelings are heavy. Lopes said to just sit with them until they ease up. For the first time, I'm okay with doing that.

*

On a pretty loosely related note: A light. Some hope. Thank you PurpleZoe for the heads up.

Sunday, August 10

Sunday Shine* { Bernie + Black Moses}

We lost two. I was a big fan of both and will miss them.
When the rumor was going around last week that Bernie Mac had died in the hopsital, I was immediately online making sure it wasn't true and was relieved to find that he was expected to make a full recovery. The news shocked me. I hope people remember Bernie Mac for his comedic contributions rather than his little fiasco with Barack Obama.

Whenever I listen to Isaac Hayes, I think of an guy who had a crush on me. He played Hot Buttered Soul the first time I went to his place. It was such an earnest attempt to show me how "old school" he was, it made me crack up. Music for grown folks, which he was not. Anyway... when I told my mom about Isaac Hayes' death, she told me she and her friend went down to Memphis in 1969 to hang out with Isaac in the studio while Isaac he recorded Hot Buttered Soul. My mom, I'm learning, as I do every time I come home and hang out with her, was quite the butterfly when she was around my age. I need to step up my game.

Sunday, July 20

Sunday Shine { What I Got }

Something is in the air around these parts. It's funky. No other way to explain how four friends have all received not-so-good news from doctors in the past week. Lifelong ailments, treatable to various degrees. In addition to this, we have all found ourselves, again in the last week, overcome by memories of old partners/lovers that we try to suppress and the pain that accompanies these memories. We've have broken down, in public no less, sobbing and unable to even speak through our tears. We've lashed out on each other because, I think, we're so used to being able to coax smiles and laughter and this time we can't. It's the first time we are all scared. Of course we did what we do when we're troubled: we dance. But dancing hasn't been helping the way it used to. So, we've decided to rent a car and drive up north, where you can walk for miles through wildflower fields and be reminded of what's really important just by gazing up at all the stars you've forgotten were in the sky.

This shine is the well-being and joy, which I think will become return to the center of our friendships soon enough.

*The OTHER and more resonant video that I posted yesterday now works. Sade is a healher.

Sunday, June 15

Sunday Shine* { Wonder-Full }

*I know. I wrote I was over this. And I am. I am in the process of looking for a new job. That, along with the weeks spent crying, hurt, confused and enraged, has me cautious and reluctant to write anything here. But last night was the Wonder-Full party. I have to share.

For the four years that I've gone, every Wonder-Full party has lived up to its name, but last night everyone in attendance was blessed.
For most of the night, I was dancing, barefoot, half-nekkid, in front of the stage. I spotted Nikki from HEAVy who was talking to some fans, but I was too shy to say hello. (It would've been lovely if they'd played Wonderlove. Another time, I guess) But on my way down the stairs, I turned the corner and before I knew it: Stevie. I blurted his name and he smiled and said hello. And then the rest is history...
He went on stage. People went bananas.
He sang. We sang along.
He gave thanks. We did too.
He talked Obama.
It was beautiful. Spirit lifted.

Not the best photos... that's what all those, um... "professionals" were there for. (I loved that Bobbito eventually asked them all to get down so that everyone else could see the stage.)
I snapped these:

Sunday, May 18

Sunday Shine { Karma }

I've had a horrible weekend.
Been laying in bed crying, drifting in and out of uncomfortable sleep.
I'm going to stop writing here for a while. Maybe once summer truly kicks in and/or I'm in a better state of mind & heart, I'll begin again.
Thank you to everyone who continues to support me or takes something from what I write.

Anywho, this is a shine, right? So, I shall:

I became a member of the Flatbush Food Co-op and started working there this weekend. People are nice enough and the prices are good. I'm hoping to build some good karma by supporting the community in another way since I firmly believe I'm creating bad karma by working at a middle school that seems to model itself after a prison.

I may be getting one of these, since, in a fit of rage, I cracked the screen of my already somewhat-broken cell phone. I know they're expensive as all get-out, but I've already spent 60% of the cost replacing three janky phones in less than a year.

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