Monday, November 24

An Argument For Letting It Be

So my friends have been raising their eyebrows at me because I haven't talked about It with dude.
It = the expectations and limitations of my relationship with him.
I tell them what we do:
We bestow each other with sweet and simple, heartfelt actions and words.
We casually mention us in future tense.
We only reference the past to laugh about a good time.
I fall asleep happy I have him in my life, nothing more or less.

This is why I'm not feeling compelled to have a discussion about our "status."
Are we "back together"? I don't know. Were we ever together? Is it gonna last? I'd like it to but if it doesn't, I want as many good memories as possible.

Maybe everything that happened from June to December, then from March to May was prep work. We know each other well. We've both realized his "I'm not happy"s weren't about me. I always knew my "I want more"s weren't about him. It was never about not liking who the other person was. The issues had to do with readiness, self-confidence, acceptance.

Truthfully, we have more of a partnership now than we ever did when we were calling ourselves a couple. Why dissect it and stuff it with definitions? Labels don't seem to serve any other purpose than to set a foundation for expectations and rules.

It's not that I'm not about having expectations. When I was kickin it with dude who lived right around the corner, expectations were still clear.
It's not that I'm not about having rules. Decisions are easier to make when you know what will and won't be tolerated.

When I'm with him, I don't feel as if I'm avoiding the topic. Frankly, when we're together, it doesn't come to my mind at all. When I'm with him, I'm caught up in our exchange, the eye contact and touches and words and silences and laughs and funny looks.
I think, in general, we spend far too much time talking about the relationship instead of being present in them. I think about my past experiences... blahblahblahing away. I think about one friend who has spent more time telling me about a dude than actually hanging out with him. What is that? My intuition is guiding me to just let it be, set aside whatever meaning I've given it for the time being and enjoy what he brings into my life.

1 comment:

GirlGriot said...

I'm with you in the 'ride this wave' department ... well, I'd be with you if I could get out of this 'let me talk the hell out of this with my girlfriends first' department. I'm taking lessons from you, little sister.