These love-ins, men coming and going, different bodies, different hands, kisses here, kisses there, a secret here, another there, got one voice on my mind while I listen to another. Got one scent on my skin while I breathe in another.
Many questions asked.
Many trips to the laundromat.
It doesn't feel wrong. It's kinda exciting. I can never have too many flowers, massages, walks through the parks... I can't believe how, ahem, open, I am to all this. I use to really frown on this kind of thing. I definitely do feel liberated and in control and empowered and all that good stuff. I get to let different parts of myself shine, I get to build with really beautiful people. It's not about sex. I've found I can take care of myself better than anyone, in that respect.
It's not my ideal situation. I wish I was the girl who could juggle all her suitors gracefully, with giggles instead of tears. I'm doing this mostly because I haven't forgotten that it is possible to give yourself to somebody, think things are fine, then have it all fall apart, on the prettiest day of the year, when you're wearing your prettiest dress. I'm in this situation because I want the companionship but I want to protect myself. Love is definitely being transferred, I'm amused, I'm aroused, they are too, but I'm not going to fall in love.
Being fully single, being my own company, isn't too far in the future. I kinda miss it already.