Good Love.

Over the weekend, K & I decided to try again and to do better this time. It's no secret that most of the doing better falls on him. But there are ways I need to change as well.
My friends tell me I have the "power" in the relationship this time. Personally I'm uncomfortable weighing power in a relationship, even if I sometimes recognize that dynamic is always at play.

I am more capable of protecting myself. It's silly that I worried about how he might feel to the extent that I was afraid to say exactly how I felt. Spent so much time so worried he'd leave me if I said the wrong thing. Insecurity is no joke. I'm over it. There is no wrong thing. We bump heads a little bit more now, and that's good for me, to show discontent, to argue without worry. I feel much better doing it this way.
It seems to have come from out of nowhere. I was convinced that we'd/he'd fall right back into the same stagnancy we had before. And yes, I'm still afraid he may eventually treat me like a book, a class, even his job, and lose interest again. I spent two months accepting his absence. I was more alright with it than not. But he is here now, very much in my life all over again and it hasn't taken long for the excitement of giving and receiving love to return.
So... we'll see, right? We'll see.