Positive Notes

Yesterday was a rough one. I had a no-joke anxiety attack early in the morning that landed me in the emergency room. I was able to calm myself down before checking in. Took myself home, left a message for K to call me to "talk about some things." I knew when I called, and I'd known for days, that when he came over last night, we'd end our relationship. It was no surprise, but still, I cried more tears yesterday than I had all year. For real.
I could say it's fucked up and makes no sense. That's what I said months ago, but we stuck it out. If anything, meeting him was the best thing that happened to me this year because it allowed me see that I could love someone in a way I hadn't before. No regrets, no resentment.
The last day of 2007 was gorgeous (and very cold). My girlfriends and I went for a walk, had a champagne toast in the middle of the afternoon. I'm going to some black tie event to celebrate a new beginning. Lots of new beginnings. Maybe I won't have a partner in crime for a while, but eventually, I'll be blessed again. Maybe I'll cry a little more tomorrow, or probably over the weekend when I'm alone with my thoughts and realize I can't pick up the phone and call him. But right now, I feel pretty good about my life.