Tuesday, November 27

Belongings

I should've been in bed an hour ago. My nerves are frazzled. The fourth-floor apartments in the building next door to mine were burglarized this afternoon. I'm shook. It's the first time I've felt unsafe where I lived. I called K because he's great at calming me down when I'm freaking out. I hear "burglary" and my mind jumps back to growing up in Miami, that one year when our house was robbed three times. I cannot describe how shattering it is to arrive to your house and find your front door bashed in and everything you own turned upside down, broken or missing. It is the worst feeling in the world and my heart goes out to my neighbors. K says nobody's gonna climb four floors to rob me, but that's exactly what they did to my neighbors today. He thinks they specifically targeted my neighbors, knew exactly what they wanted and when they could get it. I know someone had to have buzzed them into the building or given them access with keys. How come nobody heard two doors being kicked in? People have all kinds of schedules around here. Nobody was home? Or are we still not snitchin?
I don't know if keeping my valuables with me is putting it out into the universe I don't "care" if I'm robbed.I just don't have the means to replace my shit. I don't know if clearing out negative energy and saying some extra prayers are enough. I don't know if it was a random act, a singling out, or the beginning of a spree of robberies. All they had to do was go out onto the fire escape, break my window and they would've been in my apartment too. The doors aren't strong; my neighbor tells me she's been complaining about them for months.
I'm mad at myself for being so shocked. For forgetting where I am, how hectic shit is, how desperate folks get. I'd stopped locking all my locks a long time ago and I can't even find some of the things I'd been given to protect myself with. Gentrification, the overall drop in crime, getting along with thy neighbors... none of that prevents these things from happening. I feel selfish wanting a secure home when other folks are living amidst civil wars, poverty, genocide. It's just a knock back down to reality.
To be honest, I'm terrified about coming home tomorrow.

1 comment:

Divine Blackness said...

Ohmigoodnessssss...that is a terrible feeling. I was born and lived in Miami for awhile too and have a hard time going back to visit. Staying at my Grandmother's house is extremely difficult because she is constantly getting burglarized. And she's one of them older Black folx that are like, "Nah uhhh...ain't nobody runnin' me up outta my home." Being fearful of a place that is supposed to be "safe" is just awful. I feel that way now living in South Central LA. All I can do is pray, keep my super valuable items hidden and sleep with a hammer under my bed.