Tuesday, June 12


The kids went home at 11:30. I completed their records at 3. The honors assembly started at 5. I walked around Bed Stuy for 2 hours. (I was waiting for him (Mr. Third Floor) and he came and went in seconds, hopped into some little car that sped off. I was gonna try to make conversation today. So... I strolled.) A lazy daze stroll under dark clouds and thunder. Headphones leaking Nina, Joni, Lauryn. I wore my PRETTY long brown dress (ain't cost nuthin but fifteen dollas, but I made it fly). Sometimes you just know you look good. Eyes are on you, how you move and you just smile and say thank you to the compliments. So that was my vibe for the day. I haven't felt pretty in a minute. I bumped into my homegirls from college and it's hugs and smiles and one pats her belly and tells me she's expecting. I'm happy for her (and her fiance, who was once my supersecret lover). She is radiant and excited. I couldn't help but smile and clap my hands. But in that same moment, I just felt this sinking of something in me. Who isn't pregnant? I am still expecting to hear more of this news. It seems like this year was the year we start bringing more life into the world. I know a lot of soon-to-be mamas and poppas. The future looks bright. I walked away wondering why I almost pat my belly and said, "Me too!" I couldn't stroll down the street anymore. I returned to the school, went into one of the unused rooms and tried to find the missing piece so I could put myself back together.

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