Circles

I made an appointment but didn't make a decision.
My love is scattered, fluid, clever, stubborn.
I shout GO AWAY at it, but you think it listens? It's learned from my students. Anything to piss her off even more
Is it sad or beautiful to say this is the first time I've loved my body? I have a very capable body. Perhaps my mind is capable too.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad, even if he shut the door in my face which is probably quite symbolic.
Maybe I wouldn't be so bad. I'm not afraid of the money, the time, the completely different life. What I'm afraid of is not being able to do anything except feel one way or another. I will feel so much that my feet won't carry me to work. I will feel so much that I won't leave the house. We'll become malnourished. We'll be depressed. I'm afraid I'll push my feelings out of me and onto...
I see myself getting lost in it and I don't really know how to prevent myself from wandering further in.