Wednesday, March 25

I really want some warm weather on my skin now. I don't think I should have to fly to Miami or Hawaii to get my fix. It's spring New York, get it together.

I had a visitor the other day who said "Your space is so relaxing." It's because my job is not. I had another visitor who said "But if you've been miserable for three years, yet you keep coming back, then you must be getting something out of this. What are you getting out of this?" Hmmmmmmmmmmm. I only know what I'm not.

And I know my dream. My ultimate tippytop shining bright dream of dreams.

The dream is to stay at home and write while raising babies, walk around and take pictures, watercolor cross the page, a book is bound, and money's made. That's the dream. It could happen but.

I miss my records. They're in a box tucked tightly into some corner in my mother's house, a corner only she can remember, but always forgets. I miss my B-sides and rare cuts. I miss the melodies that seem to always unravel memory.

Did I write about Our First Big Fight? I know I didn't because I was heated. And then And my thoughts took me to dark places but I kept telling myself we ain't breaking up over this shit. Two years, want more. Two break-ups too many. We talked it out, cried it loose, I cooled and life went on.

I'm one of those teachers that happily counts down to the last day of school. But this year is different because I ain't coming back.

And just for good measure: I'm feenin' for some warmth. Don't want to cloak another coat over my body. I want to show off my yellow shorts and shiny brown legs and pretty toes.


Thinking Aloud said...

Please stop by my blog and pick up your Splash Award.

mmmm...that's delicious said...

Wow. Reading you is like remembering me. I quit teaching about six years ago and started writing. It has been fulfilling but not so easy. Now I have a chance at the raising babies part and my book proposal is calling me back to get cracking. good luck.

I'll return to read more. Take heart, sunshine is coming soon.

kameelah said...

what comes after teaching?

ahnka said...

possibly a happier me, kameelah.